It was a moment ago I realized that watching so much of the vlogbrothers has consequences. Moments ago I woke up from a dream with a little white dog. The last moments of the dream where of me picking up this little white dog, my dog who has not been with me since 2010, and standing in front of a door required for a quest with other figures from my past. In this moment I thought of another dream, I'm not sure if it was a dream in a dream or if it was a memory, and I become awake in a slow of a fashion as I can ever remember doing so. I thought of sheets, the sheets on a wood frame, the ones he layed on at the foot of my bed. All at once I realized this would never happen again and all at once I realized I'm not home anymore. I was so overwhelmed by the feeling I can't say I felt lingering sadness for him but I felt I grieved all at once. A grief I did not feel at his passing. Toto I want to go home to a memory that was not entirely true.